Well things sure have been busy and I just haven't had the time so spare an hour to email in a new entry.
Me and Charlotte decided to change the plans some. I will be immigrating to Australia in the coming months. We did this switch because Australia has provisions for same-sex partners to receive visas--there is no need for us to wait for her SRS--plus Australia's education system will allow me to get some post-secondary education cheaper.
I was able to be officially diagnosed in August with hyperreflexia secondary to a neurogenic bladder, making it official that I am incontinent. That paving the way for me to start treatment with Oxybutynin, which has reduced my bladder spasms frequency--that it has caused me constant drymouth and doesn't treat the fact that I cannot control it myself makes me question continuing therapy.
The last visit to the urologist was productive, I received a letter they had written explaining my condition and since I told the Physician's Assistant that I was still unable to control my bladder, she wrote a prescription for diapers.
My efforts to contain Mischa have been futile--he became so used to being near front that I no longer bother suppressing him when I'm away from the shelter. This is our new trade-off, he can be himself whenever we're out as long as he's quiet here.
Well that's pretty much it for an update now, I'll have one tomorrow for sure, since I know I've actually now got one follower at least.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Another step.
Hi, this is Char.
Today I went to my first counseling appointment regarding my gender identity issues. Fortunately, it was free :D... Unfortunately, the counselor I went to see is apparently not a qualified psychiatrist and therefore she can't write the letters of recommendation or whatever for doctors to prescribe hormones. However, she did give me a few names, including a psychiatrist that I can call. However, this will be expensive.
Hopefully, I can claim some of the cost back on medicare. So that's one of the next steps I have to do, get my own medicare card and call the qualified psychiatrist.
Also, the session today actually went really well. I don't know what it was, possibly because she knew straight off the bat about my gender identity issues, but I felt a lot more comfortable being myself around her. Instead of hiding my femininity like I usually do, I felt able to speak or act as feminine as I want. I could hear it in the way I spoke (not my voice) that the way I spoke was much more... feminine than usual. And it felt natural.
Despite the fact that she couldn't offer what I wanted, she was a big help. She gave me a bunch of groups, sites and etc. which I can view if I need help with anything, as well as information on being transgendered (such as information on the anti-descrimination act).
There's not much more to say at the moment. Also, I'm pretty damn tired. I'll blog again when I go to see a qualified psychiatrist.
Today I went to my first counseling appointment regarding my gender identity issues. Fortunately, it was free :D... Unfortunately, the counselor I went to see is apparently not a qualified psychiatrist and therefore she can't write the letters of recommendation or whatever for doctors to prescribe hormones. However, she did give me a few names, including a psychiatrist that I can call. However, this will be expensive.
Hopefully, I can claim some of the cost back on medicare. So that's one of the next steps I have to do, get my own medicare card and call the qualified psychiatrist.
Also, the session today actually went really well. I don't know what it was, possibly because she knew straight off the bat about my gender identity issues, but I felt a lot more comfortable being myself around her. Instead of hiding my femininity like I usually do, I felt able to speak or act as feminine as I want. I could hear it in the way I spoke (not my voice) that the way I spoke was much more... feminine than usual. And it felt natural.
Despite the fact that she couldn't offer what I wanted, she was a big help. She gave me a bunch of groups, sites and etc. which I can view if I need help with anything, as well as information on being transgendered (such as information on the anti-descrimination act).
There's not much more to say at the moment. Also, I'm pretty damn tired. I'll blog again when I go to see a qualified psychiatrist.
Friday, August 6, 2010
8/5 daily update
Missed breakfast at the shelter but since I can get food at the Subway inside Walmart, since I have to get my last check and see what the hiring situation is.
Headed out after chore, took James with me--he's headed to walmart anyway, but new to the area so I showed him around.
Got to Walmart, got my paycheck, saw a few of my former coworkers, and accidentally misplaced James. Went to Subway, ate an oven-roasted chicken on flatbread, added bacon, usual veggies, sweet onion, chipotle, and ranch, bought three cookies and a large soda as well.
Wondering where James was, I searched the departments, thinking he may have left the store, I headed to the East library, since he mentioned stopping there. Not there, so I hopped the bus down Main St. to my bank where I deposited my check, then I walked the two miles likely to the Central Library, charged my phone, and checked out two books, Sybil, and one for Mischa about cars.
Walking back to the shelter, I saw James had found his way back, I was grateful for that.
Dinner was pretty big, pizza, assorted veggies, veggie salad, and fresh watermelon and muskmelon.
After dinner I just chilled in my room. Daniel told me about a prospective company that may be hiring for jobs similar to what I was doing at walmart.
Headed out after chore, took James with me--he's headed to walmart anyway, but new to the area so I showed him around.
Got to Walmart, got my paycheck, saw a few of my former coworkers, and accidentally misplaced James. Went to Subway, ate an oven-roasted chicken on flatbread, added bacon, usual veggies, sweet onion, chipotle, and ranch, bought three cookies and a large soda as well.
Wondering where James was, I searched the departments, thinking he may have left the store, I headed to the East library, since he mentioned stopping there. Not there, so I hopped the bus down Main St. to my bank where I deposited my check, then I walked the two miles likely to the Central Library, charged my phone, and checked out two books, Sybil, and one for Mischa about cars.
Walking back to the shelter, I saw James had found his way back, I was grateful for that.
Dinner was pretty big, pizza, assorted veggies, veggie salad, and fresh watermelon and muskmelon.
After dinner I just chilled in my room. Daniel told me about a prospective company that may be hiring for jobs similar to what I was doing at walmart.
-- Sent from my Palm Prē
Thursday, August 5, 2010
First Post
Okay, so I had a bit of trouble figuring out just how to post here as my Pre doesn't let me scroll in text boxes, I ended up enabling email posting to make longer entries.
Okay, well, enough about my problems....let me talk about my problems now.
Char pretty much nailed it, I'm urinary incontinent, homeless, and suspect to have a dissociative disorder--likely Dissociative Identity Disorder--DID, or multiple personality disorder for those not up on the new lingo.
My dissociative disorder is as of right now undiagnosed. However I can't imagine it's anything else--such as schizophrenia--there is dissociation and not just voices. For two weeks in June I have little memory. Soon after, I was introduced to a new alter.
Char introduced who my alters were, but not their names. All my known alters have names.
Mischa is the three year old: he's hyper sometimes, but very calm and sedate other times. He is why I always carry a pacifier with me.
Hailey is the six year old, she is shy and to my knowledge ashamed of our incontinence. She may be a multiple herself, as it has been said that she acts differently from time to time
Mischa and Hailey are unable to read or type so we have devised a system where I am still able to type what they say if they ever talk to Charlotte over instant messenger, yet I usually have little recollection of their time front.
Paul is the ten year old, he's rather antisocial and picks on Hailey and Mischa because they're smaller.
Hunter is in his mid-30s, an ex-SAS veteran of the NATO actions in Kosovo, where he was wounded in the line of duty. He has also spoken of Afghanistan and Iraq.
I became homeless after my mother ratcheted up her abuse when I lost my job last Wednesday. She assaulted me and smashed my computer before I got up the courage to call the police.
Instead of her going to jail however, she made up a story that I threatened to strangle her in the middle of the night. She works third shift on the other side of town from where I was staying, and I had no access to transportation even if I had a mind to do that. She knew she was headed to jail if she didn't think of something fast. She knows of my continence problems and that I'm not likely to fare well being incontinent and incarcerated.
After spending a day and a half with my paternal grandparents, I returned home to discover my computer was now being held basically hostage by my mother. I immediately went to my room and gathered what possessions I could into two duffel bags, a backpack I use as my diaper bag, and the last box of my diapers and boosters. I called my grandparents up to take me to the police department to file a police report. After talking to a police officer, only to discover there was nothing illegal about her smashing my computer, I asked if there was anywhere I could go, the only option available to me was the homeless shelter. I took it.
In January I began to notice some excessive trickling after urinating. Sometime in February, I began losing the sensation that I needed to urinate and had enough accidents to warrant a trip to Walgreens to purchase male guards. The whole pack lasted less than a week. Out of money temporarily, I had to endure the wet pants until the next check from school came--I had been in college at the time.
Being familiar with incontinence management produxts after wetting the bed for well over a decade, I skipped right over the belted undergarments and protective underwear for the actual adult diapers, or to be PC "fitted briefs" buuuut since 1) this is a mobile phone running WebOS (not a PC) and 2) I don't like the term, that's the last time it'll be said on this blog, they're diapers and that's that. The first brand I bought--Certainty--flat-out sucked, tapes would rip, and they weren't very absorbant at all. After I got my job I was able to switch to Secure Personal Care's X-Plus. Much better, I can go a full day most days without a diaper change with a Pampers Baby Dry size 6 as a booster pad, which saves loads of money--the diapers run $66 per case of 48.
My current urinary control is limited to feeling that I'm wetting but only intermittently. I will sometimes feel my diaper warm and that is the only feeling that I am urinating. If I am outside I'm lucky if I even feel the warmth.
I'll try to post twice a day--no job and very little cleanup leaves me loads of dead time. One--usually the morning post will be a daily update about what I did the day before, the second post in the afternoon, I'll cover something topical such as an interesting news story or dreams and aspirations for the future. I'll also do a mini series of stories featuring Mischa in adventures to assauge our creativity, and to let him have some fun.
Okay, well, enough about my problems....let me talk about my problems now.
Char pretty much nailed it, I'm urinary incontinent, homeless, and suspect to have a dissociative disorder--likely Dissociative Identity Disorder--DID, or multiple personality disorder for those not up on the new lingo.
My dissociative disorder is as of right now undiagnosed. However I can't imagine it's anything else--such as schizophrenia--there is dissociation and not just voices. For two weeks in June I have little memory. Soon after, I was introduced to a new alter.
Char introduced who my alters were, but not their names. All my known alters have names.
Mischa is the three year old: he's hyper sometimes, but very calm and sedate other times. He is why I always carry a pacifier with me.
Hailey is the six year old, she is shy and to my knowledge ashamed of our incontinence. She may be a multiple herself, as it has been said that she acts differently from time to time
Mischa and Hailey are unable to read or type so we have devised a system where I am still able to type what they say if they ever talk to Charlotte over instant messenger, yet I usually have little recollection of their time front.
Paul is the ten year old, he's rather antisocial and picks on Hailey and Mischa because they're smaller.
Hunter is in his mid-30s, an ex-SAS veteran of the NATO actions in Kosovo, where he was wounded in the line of duty. He has also spoken of Afghanistan and Iraq.
I became homeless after my mother ratcheted up her abuse when I lost my job last Wednesday. She assaulted me and smashed my computer before I got up the courage to call the police.
Instead of her going to jail however, she made up a story that I threatened to strangle her in the middle of the night. She works third shift on the other side of town from where I was staying, and I had no access to transportation even if I had a mind to do that. She knew she was headed to jail if she didn't think of something fast. She knows of my continence problems and that I'm not likely to fare well being incontinent and incarcerated.
After spending a day and a half with my paternal grandparents, I returned home to discover my computer was now being held basically hostage by my mother. I immediately went to my room and gathered what possessions I could into two duffel bags, a backpack I use as my diaper bag, and the last box of my diapers and boosters. I called my grandparents up to take me to the police department to file a police report. After talking to a police officer, only to discover there was nothing illegal about her smashing my computer, I asked if there was anywhere I could go, the only option available to me was the homeless shelter. I took it.
In January I began to notice some excessive trickling after urinating. Sometime in February, I began losing the sensation that I needed to urinate and had enough accidents to warrant a trip to Walgreens to purchase male guards. The whole pack lasted less than a week. Out of money temporarily, I had to endure the wet pants until the next check from school came--I had been in college at the time.
Being familiar with incontinence management produxts after wetting the bed for well over a decade, I skipped right over the belted undergarments and protective underwear for the actual adult diapers, or to be PC "fitted briefs" buuuut since 1) this is a mobile phone running WebOS (not a PC) and 2) I don't like the term, that's the last time it'll be said on this blog, they're diapers and that's that. The first brand I bought--Certainty--flat-out sucked, tapes would rip, and they weren't very absorbant at all. After I got my job I was able to switch to Secure Personal Care's X-Plus. Much better, I can go a full day most days without a diaper change with a Pampers Baby Dry size 6 as a booster pad, which saves loads of money--the diapers run $66 per case of 48.
My current urinary control is limited to feeling that I'm wetting but only intermittently. I will sometimes feel my diaper warm and that is the only feeling that I am urinating. If I am outside I'm lucky if I even feel the warmth.
I'll try to post twice a day--no job and very little cleanup leaves me loads of dead time. One--usually the morning post will be a daily update about what I did the day before, the second post in the afternoon, I'll cover something topical such as an interesting news story or dreams and aspirations for the future. I'll also do a mini series of stories featuring Mischa in adventures to assauge our creativity, and to let him have some fun.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Introducing: My fiance!
Okay, this is Char again. My fiance has limited use of technology at the moment, so he's asked me to post for him, introducing him and his own issues.
His problems are pretty serious, probably moreso than my own.
Let's see. Firstly, he's incontinent. But that's okay, it just means he has to pay extra in order to get diapers.
Secondly, he may have DID. Aka, multiple personalities. I'll talk about these in a bit.
Thirdly, he has a bitch of a mother. She's abusive, bigoted, and pretty much just a waste of life. And up until recently, he's been living with her. Which brings me to my next point.
Finally, ever since the weekend he's been officially homeless, and living in a homeless shelter.
You know what's funny about that last point? As far as I can tell (and I'm not exactly sure about this because I'm not in the situation itself), he seems better off at the shelter than with his mother. With his mother, it was hard to tell if she was going to do something. And if she did, then he'd get really upset. I truly hate her for that.
But he told me that the people at the shelter seem like really nice people who just fell on hard times, like himself. And while he hasn't seemed to be the happiest in the world, he seems happier than what he was with his mother. So that's a good thing, right?
Also, they're helping him. Putting him into classes, or trying to get him disability payments. Trying to help him get on his feet. Which is more than his mother ever did for him (which consisted of a bunch of bitching and... well... as far as I know, that's about it).
Continuing, I'll go back to the multiple personalities.
He has a system of personalities within himself. They started off few and weak, but now they're more and stronger. So far, there is:
A mischeivous 3 year old boy
An ex-SAS member
A 6 year old girl who's about as much of a nerd as I am (and I love it :P)
An emotionally withdrawn 10 year old boy.
And that's about it. They don't seem to be harmful, and of course, he seems to, for the most part, have control of it.
Theoretically, part of this could be due to the abuse he suffered from his mother, as these days, the ex-SAS member fronts whenever she abuses him. So really, there's a good chance that this is all her fault. Or maybe he would've had the condition anyway and he just uses it in that way to avoid his mother being bitchy at him. Either way...
I'm not sure what else there is to say. I'm sure if he wants to say something more, he'll tell me or blog here himself one day. So until next time, I guess.
His problems are pretty serious, probably moreso than my own.
Let's see. Firstly, he's incontinent. But that's okay, it just means he has to pay extra in order to get diapers.
Secondly, he may have DID. Aka, multiple personalities. I'll talk about these in a bit.
Thirdly, he has a bitch of a mother. She's abusive, bigoted, and pretty much just a waste of life. And up until recently, he's been living with her. Which brings me to my next point.
Finally, ever since the weekend he's been officially homeless, and living in a homeless shelter.
You know what's funny about that last point? As far as I can tell (and I'm not exactly sure about this because I'm not in the situation itself), he seems better off at the shelter than with his mother. With his mother, it was hard to tell if she was going to do something. And if she did, then he'd get really upset. I truly hate her for that.
But he told me that the people at the shelter seem like really nice people who just fell on hard times, like himself. And while he hasn't seemed to be the happiest in the world, he seems happier than what he was with his mother. So that's a good thing, right?
Also, they're helping him. Putting him into classes, or trying to get him disability payments. Trying to help him get on his feet. Which is more than his mother ever did for him (which consisted of a bunch of bitching and... well... as far as I know, that's about it).
Continuing, I'll go back to the multiple personalities.
He has a system of personalities within himself. They started off few and weak, but now they're more and stronger. So far, there is:
A mischeivous 3 year old boy
An ex-SAS member
A 6 year old girl who's about as much of a nerd as I am (and I love it :P)
An emotionally withdrawn 10 year old boy.
And that's about it. They don't seem to be harmful, and of course, he seems to, for the most part, have control of it.
Theoretically, part of this could be due to the abuse he suffered from his mother, as these days, the ex-SAS member fronts whenever she abuses him. So really, there's a good chance that this is all her fault. Or maybe he would've had the condition anyway and he just uses it in that way to avoid his mother being bitchy at him. Either way...
I'm not sure what else there is to say. I'm sure if he wants to say something more, he'll tell me or blog here himself one day. So until next time, I guess.
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